I was nine years old when I first learnt how to play a cornet instrument. They say if you learn early overtime you’ll become better and master the instrument well. Just like any sport if a child is encouraged to play early at a younger age they have a better chance of mastering their craft in sport overtime.

This is not usually the case, some children as they get older, life happens, they might find a new hobby or passion and decide that what they might be doing will not work anymore so they jump onto the next thing that excites them.

I remember back in 1997 when I first started to learn to play, our little music group consisted more of male learners. From my dad to my cousins and some of their friends, there I sat amongst these big boys -in the front row with my little second cornet I sat next to my cousin Colin Rika. Uncle Aseri was our teacher and bandmaster and boy did we learn quickly under his supervision.

At the back of his home in Mahaffy Drive everyone would set up in their seats with their instrument next to them and Uncle would use a whiteboard and markers to help us with how we were to read music well in order for us to play music. I was nervous, I was the tiniest person learning but I enjoyed the experience this opportunity brought me.

Uncle would use his conducting stick (which was white) as soon as he raised his hand, it was an indication to lift our instruments from our lap to our lips and when he moved his stick we would begin to play. We initially became a proper band after months of learning and it was a reward we gave ourselves for the dedication and time to learning something new.

When we moved to Nadi the year after, I was building my confidence in singing, I did not realise I could sing. For me this meant that playing the instrument became a memory. I lost interest, while relocating made me think that I couldn’t play music without an instrument. The church where my parents were appointed too did not have instruments available and so that was my excuse I guess.

Up until earlier this year, my husband and two older children made a decision to join our brass learners at our church. It was very exciting for me to see their anticipation and enthusiasm to do something outside of their comfort zone. I was overly happy for my two older children- this felt like reliving my childhood memories through them.

However, just three weeks ago, after our church service our bandmaster politely says “Carolyne you know you can have an instrument if you want” – I could not decline, it took someone to suggest it. You won’t believe me? that same Sunday I came back home with my instrument.

Looking back now, the desire to play music was always there it just seemed like it was more important to do other things apart from playing music and than this happens.

So here I am having a refresher and picking up from where I had left off back in 1997. Joining the learners as a refresher has been uplifting. Yes it brought back my childhood memories, with friends and loved ones lost along the way over the years, but this time I am not the same nine year old, I am a mom, alongside my husband and my children with whom I have the privilege to learn and play music with.

I am so grateful for the people who have influenced my life as a little girl and those who contributed in ways that helped me to grow.

….”if you love something let it go- if it comes back it was meant to be”

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Music is my life, it was always apart of me growing up, I turned to music to celebrate, to cry and comfort me. I still remember one of my favourite band tunes as a child. This was one of the first music I learned to play. In our band book in Fiji it was known as Tune 16 – “Mid all the traffic of the ways”… verse 1 of the tune says….

Mid all the traffic of the ways,

Turmoils without, within

Make in my heart a quiet place

And come and dwell therein.

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Whenever I hear this piece of music it is so poignant for me, that when I hear it in church it brings me a sense of peace but makes me reminisce about my childhood. The words of the music does remind me that even in difficult times God is very much with me, even if life doesn’t work out the way it should, I can trust that God is with me, as He was with me as a child, He is still with me today.

Isaiah 41:10 says “So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

This beautiful verse serves as a reminder that God does not leave you the way He found you, His strength will be enough to sustain you even if life throws you off balance. You can trust that his Word never fails.

Who knows? I might be able to play music soon and share a video of me playing this favourite tune of mine.

In my Memoir “coming out in 2025” I write about learning music as a child.

God is faithful!

Carolyne x